10 Reasons You're Still Chasing
Why You’re Always Seeking More—And How to Finally Stop
For most of my life, I felt like I was chasing something. Careers. Money. Relationships. Knowledge. Experiences.
At times, it felt exciting. At times, it felt exhausting. But always, there was an underlying restlessness.
In the last two years, something shifted. I haven’t stopped doing things, but the feeling behind it has changed. I no longer feel like I’m running on a treadmill, trying to fill a bottomless hole.
And I started to see a pattern.
I find that we typically have one of three relationships with ourselves and the world.
We see something we like, so we chase towards it
We experience something we don’t like, so we run in the other direction – anything to avoid that feeling
Or, we aren’t even aware of it, so we stay blind to what’s going on
These patterns shape our inner world and govern how we relate to work, relationships, and even personal growth.
If only we could find the right partner, job, or diet—then we’d be okay
If we could just get away from the stress, the thoughts, the emotions—then we’d be okay
For a while, our chasing and avoiding seem to work. But in the quiet moments—lying in bed, walking alone—we feel that tension in our chest, that vague emptiness.
But what is really driving this endless seeking?
Most never stop to ask. But if we do, we open up to a choice. We can train ourselves to live differently.
Here are 10 reasons I think we perpetuate the chase and how to stop.
1/ Evolution Wired Us for This
As humans we are constantly scanning our environment for threats. We evolved to do this purely for our survival.
Today we have less real threats around us. But the amount of information/stimulation has increased 10,000x.
The result? Our nervous system is on overdrive. It always feels like something is missing, something is wrong, something needs fixing.
And so, the chase continues.
“In ancient times having power meant having access to data. Today having power means knowing what to ignore.” — Yuval Harari
2/ The First 18 Months of Your Life Shaped Everything
Your nervous system is largely programmed before you can even speak.
If your early environment was safe and nurturing, you likely developed self-regulation—the ability to feel calm and whole.
If not, you may have been wired for anxiety, avoidance, or hypervigilance.
This follows you throughout your life. Most of Wall Street, Silicon Valley, and corporate leadership is run by people with dysregulated nervous systems, constantly chasing validation, success, and security.
3/ Trauma Keeps Us Running
We all have different levels of trauma. The “small t” trauma of inconsistent caregiving, and the “big T” traumas of abuse or neglect.
Trauma disconnects us from the present. We relive the past and fear the future.
It creates an internal feeling of “not okay.” And if we don’t feel okay, we can’t sit still—we keep moving, working, proving, achieving.
The chase is never really about what we want—it’s about trying to escape something we don’t want to feel.
4/ The Illusion of Progress
I spent several years trying to hack my mind, body and bank account. This was fun at times, but mostly I felt insecure and afraid. The stories we hear reinforce this:
The economy must always grow
Our careers must always progress
Our personal development must always advance
Even spirituality has been co-opted into a growth mindset: “I need to improve myself.”
It doesn’t matter what we achieve because it’s actually never enough. We’re addicted to growth itself, and it keeps us seeking.
5/ The World Gives Us No Alternative
We could escape the growth narrative and just do nothing for a while. Just stop chasing, and relax!
But it’s hard to do a digital detox when the economy runs on computers and you connect with friends via 10 different apps.
Not to mention…Half of people who come back from a vacation say they are more stressed.
We know it’s not healthy. There is an underlying sense that ‘there has to be a better way,’ but everyone seems to be buying into the current narrative. The thought passes through our minds : why don’t I just get a flip phone? But it feels like too much trouble.
Back to scrolling.
6/ Chasing Everything, Catching Nothing
Technology was meant to free up time, but instead, we just fill it with more chasing.
The endless choices—apps, diets, self-improvement plans—create decision fatigue
Instead of focusing on one thing wholeheartedly, we are fragmented, pulled in a thousand directions
We are chasing everything, but catching nothing. We stand bewildered and envious of those who can stick to one thing.
7/ The Fundamental Lie You’ve Been Sold
Every ad, influencer, and guru whispers the same message:
Happiness is outside of you. Just buy this, achieve this, become this.
As someone I admire said in response to this narrative: “f*ck that.”
What keeps the chase going is the belief that we will find happiness out there.
But is it true? Studies on lottery winners show that after a few months, their happiness returns to baseline (and sometimes they are even less happy because of new expectations).
We know this treadmill doesn’t work. But stepping off feels impossible.
8/ The Epidemic of Disconnection
Being with people we love can bring us joy and a pause from the constant striving. Unfortunately, the way we’re living today has disconnected us. Social media use amongst teenage girls is now clearly tied to higher suicide rates. Two big trends we see:
More screen time = less emotional depth. Engaging online tricks us into thinking we are connecting, but we rarely feel better.
The hustle culture and productivity/growth narrative leaves us more disconnected because we have less time to just be with each other.
The typical American now spends more time alone than at any point since 1965. (source)
9/ We Can’t Sit with Discomfort
And disconnection physically hurts. Instead of facing that pain, we:
Scroll
Pop a pill, eat some sugar
Book the next trip
Open the next bottle
We live in a ‘scratch your itch’ society, so as soon as you feel that discomfort, you will be able to find some product or some one who tells you they have the solution. For the right price.
Anything to distract us.
“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” — Blaise Pascal
10/ The Deepest Desire: To Feel Whole Again
If nothing were missing, we wouldn’t need to chase. We would be okay, just as we are.
Feeling “whole” happens in rare moments—a deep conversation, a music festival, holding a newborn. When you enjoy the moment for its own sake.
And when was the last time we were truly whole? The womb. Since then, it’s been a battle with the world—a lifelong attempt to return to something we can’t even name.
While we can’t return to the womb, we can find wholeness.
How does it feel? You still move towards your goals, but you do it from a place of openness, curiosity, and love rather than self-deficiency.
Beyond Striving
“You don’t lack anything. You only think you do.” — Byron Katie
We need a radical stance. If we believe that we’re not enough, or that we need to fix something, then we continue to be on the treadmill.
Here is a radical view to take: What if we already have what we need? What if we are already enough?
Of course, it doesn’t feel like you have everything you need. It feels like something is missing. And that feeling is exactly the starting point!
It’s only by turning towards what’s happening right now with curiosity and compassion — that tension, that tightness, that emptiness — that can we start to undo this conditioning.
Try this: Take 30 seconds right now. Stop moving. Just breathe and feel exactly what is here, in this moment. What do you notice? What images, sensations, background feelings are there? Without trying to change, rationalize or judge, can you describe it?
99% of people will never do this. But if you do, you will begin to see the way out.