How to Recognize Your True Self
It's The Place You Never Left
A coaching client recently asked me how to identify their “true self,” and I wanted to share a few more thoughts here, in case this is something you’ve wondered about too.
The idea of true self can sound abstract, especially if you’re used to thinking of your “self” as the collection of your thoughts, preferences, emotions, and life story. It’s also confusing if you’re into Buddhism, as you hear things like “no self.”
But there is a way to find your true self, and it can be a really helpful and healing way of experiencing the world.
If you’ve meditated before there’s a good chance you’ve already touched it, even if you didn’t name it as such. It’s that quiet, luminous quality that arises when the mind settles, and for a brief moment…nothing feels wrong. Nothing is missing. You’re not striving or fixing or chasing. You’re just here.
That is touching into your true self.
Presence vs. Parts
Different traditions give the true self different names. In Buddhism, it’s awareness or suchness. In Advaita, it’s pure consciousness. In Internal Family Systems (IFS), it’s the Self or Self-energy. I like the simple term Presence which I got from a mentor.
Presence is the awareness of experience—not the content within it.
You are not your thoughts. You are not your emotions. You are not your bodily sensations. You are the one who notices them.
Of course, as soon as you sit still for long enough, some familiar voice tends to pipe up:
“Something’s wrong.”
“I’m not good enough.”
“That person really hurt me.”
“Why are they so mean?”
“I have to figure this out.”
These are not Presence speaking. These are Parts. They’re protective pieces of the psyche, shaped by past experiences, carrying burdens, concerns, and stories. They have emotions, beliefs, and patterns. They are deeply human, and they’re not bad. But they’re not your true nature either.
You can be with these parts. You can even love them. But you are not them.
How to Tell the Difference
So how do you know whether you're operating from a Part or from Presence?
It’s often felt more than thought. When you’re in Presence, there’s a grounded, gentle okay-ness. Even if something painful is arising, it’s being held in a larger space of compassion, curiosity, and openness.
When you’re in a Part, on the other hand, there’s usually tension. Urgency. Judgment. A drive to fix, fight, or flee. Parts tend to collapse your identity into their perspective. Presence opens you back up.
IFS talks about the 8 C’s of Self—curiosity, calm, clarity, compassion, confidence, creativity, courage, and connectedness. I’d also add a few more:
Gratitude
Wonder
Non-judgment
Openness
These aren’t “achievements.” They’re qualities that naturally emerge when you’re resting in Presence. They’re what’s already here, once you stop trying to be somewhere else.
The Paradox of Trying to "Be Present"
One of the biggest mistakes people make in meditation is trying to force Presence.
But Presence isn’t something you manufacture. It’s something you recognize. It emerges from the space you are in.
It’s what’s underneath all the noise. When the spinning slows down, when the Parts are seen and soothed, there it is, quietly holding it all. Like the sky behind the clouds. Like the space between thoughts.
Why This Matters for Healing
When working with Parts—whether through IFS, therapy, or self-inquiry—you need to be anchored in Presence. Otherwise, it’s just one Part talking to another Part.
You’ve certainly had the experience of being tangled up inside about a situation, one that is particularly messy. One part of you feels like you should X, another part feels Y, and then you have three other parts of you feeling everything from guilt to confusion to gratitude.
If you are letting those parts take over and mistaking yourself for them — well, then, you will continue to feel that tension because you are never seeing beyond the identity of parts.
However, it’s Presence that creates the safety for our Parts to soften. It’s Presence that can hold pain without collapsing. It’s Presence that knows there’s nothing to fix—only to feel, to witness, to welcome.
And the more you sit in this awareness, the more familiar it becomes, and the more you can embody it.
A Quick Practice
Close your eyes.
Ask, “Is there a part of me that needs attention right now?”
Whatever arises—an emotion, a thought, an image—just notice it.
Then ask, “Can I be with this from a place of curiosity and openness, with no agenda to change it?” (If you can’t, then that’s just another Part of you! Repeat the process.)
Notice who’s doing the noticing — the one that has no change agenda and is simply aware. That’s Presence. That’s you.
One Last Thought
You don’t have to “get” this all at once. Presence is not a concept, or a content, it’s a felt experience. And you’ve already had it, probably more often than you realize. The doorway is always here.
In the end, it isn’t about chasing some mystical state or always trying to be in Presence. There are always Parts that will pop up. It’s about remembering what you already are beneath the noise, beneath the striving, beneath the story. The more we come back to that, the more we find that nothing is missing after all.
I coach entrepreneurs and freelancers who’ve achieved a lot—but feel like something is missing. If you’re ready for a new path, a new way of being, let’s talk. Learn more here.