This Will Change How You Meditate

The Depths You Didn’t Know You Were Skipping

Apr 16, 2025

I remember one evening sitting in meditation, trying to “let go” of the anger I felt toward a close friend. I watched my breath, relaxed my body, even touched a bit of peace. I thought I had moved on. But the next morning, there it was again — that same old resentment flaring up. I realized I hadn’t actually processed anything. I’d just pressed mute on it.

I was just following the instructions I’d been given. However, I didn’t really have a framework for meditation when I started, so it was easy to spiritually bypass. I would often push away emotions that really needed to be acknowledged. But once I got deeper into it, I came across certain ideas that helped me think more clearly about what I was actually doing.

A More Flexible Way to See Reality

One major shift came when I learned that there isn’t just one “correct” way to experience reality. Teachers like Daniel Ingram and Rob Burbea opened me to the idea that there are many valid lenses — and each one reveals something different.

Here are a few examples:

Impermanent – things are always in a state of flux, flow and change
Energetic – reality as patterns of energy or vibration
Interconnected – everything is part of a greater whole
Empty – things don’t exist on their own; they arise together
Emotional – life as a series of emotional textures and moods
Mechanical – cause and effect unfolding over time
Sacred or Divine – everything as an expression of God or the Mystery
Dreamlike – experience is like a lucid dream or projection
Nondual – no separation between subject and object
Meaningful – seeing experience as inherently beautiful, good or true
Timeless / Present – only this moment, endlessly fresh
Mysterious – something we can’t grasp, but can open to

Any of these lenses can be true. What’s helpful is realizing we don’t have to stay stuck in just one. We can shift. And when we realize others might be viewing reality through a different lens, it creates more room for compassion.

Try it now. Slowly look around your space. At first glance, everything may seem solid and fixed. You can name the objects and concepts, including the internal world of feelings, thoughts, emotions.

But now shift your perspective: remember that everything is temporary. Your body is changing. Thoughts are already moving through you. Even the room you’re in is slowly aging, dissolving.

Can you sense that? Maybe you feel energy, movement, or a kind of tenderness. Maybe something in you softens.

Now ask: Who am I, really? You're not just your sensations. You’re not your moods. You’re not your thoughts. Maybe you feel some mystery, or spaciousness. Maybe something sacred. And maybe, just maybe — that’s enough to be happy in this moment.

Depth: The Missing Link

The next big insight that helped me connect the dots was learning to view these lenses in terms of depth. I got this directly from Steve March at Aletheia coaching and Jack Kornfield. It helped me understand why certain practices helped me grow, and why others sometimes kept me stuck.

Here’s one way to look at your inner experience:

Parts or Content

At the surface are our thoughts, beliefs, anxieties. In the psychological model of Internal Family Systems (IFS), these are “parts”—aspects of us that carry pain, fear, or protective roles. We often mistake them for our entire self. Most meditators skip over this.

Process

As we go deeper, we begin to see thinking and feeling as flowing processes, not facts. Using practices like Focusing (Eugene Gendlin), we connect with the body’s felt sense and discover meaning in how emotions move. Most meditators also skip over this.

Awareness

Deeper still, we become aware of awareness itself, the space in which thoughts and feelings arise. From here, there’s more freedom. Qualities like compassion, strength, and calm can naturally emerge. Most meditators are trying to get here but forget the first two depths.

Non-dual Awareness

At the deepest level, the boundary between “self” and “experience” dissolves – it is nondual. You are the ocean and the waves. You realize that awareness isn’t something you have—it’s what you are. You’re not observing life from the outside. You are life, unfolding. Most meditators are trying to get here too but forget the first two depths.

Deeper is Not Better

I used to believe that if I just meditated long enough, or get to these deeper depths, I’d find freedom. That all I needed was to cut through everything and realize my “true nature.”

But that’s not always how healing works.

When you’re frustrated at your colleague, you could calm your nervous system and sit with the thoughts. But the thoughts come back later. Why? Because you haven’t addressed the part of you that felt hurt.

Feeling the emotion is one step. But going further means actually meeting that part — giving it attention, respect, and care. Not bypassing it to get to peace.

Same with the felt-sense: it’s not just body awareness. It’s meaning felt through the body — something meditators often miss. It takes focus and intentionality to tune into this depth.

Transforming the Way You Meditate

Once I started working with these first two depths — parts and process — everything shifted. Ironically, by staying at the surface and mid-levels longer, I naturally dropped into deeper states. Not by force. Just by being allowing myself to contact those parts without bypassing them.

You’ve probably felt it: sharing something vulnerable with a friend and really feeling heard. Something inside softens. Breath deepens. You feel held. That’s the part feeling safe (depth of parts). That’s the aliveness returning (depth of process). If you stay with it, you’ll notice it all arising in awareness — and something opens.

Important Points About Depth

We are always inhabiting all of these layers—whether we realize it or not.
You can attune to any depth by shifting your attention and intention.
No depth is “better” or “worse.” They are all part of being human. Very important!
Bypassing often happens when we drop into awareness too soon and skip over the parts that need healing.

🪞 Reflection Questions:

Which depth of experience do you most often inhabit during meditation?
When you reflect on your day-to-day thoughts, can you identify any “parts” of you that are carrying pain, fear, or old stories?
Have you ever felt a shift—from being “in your story” to feeling spaciousness or presence? What helped that happen?
How might your meditation practice change if you embraced all depths as equally sacred?

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