Why Most Zen Masters are Cats
Letting Go of the "Only If" Mind and the "Something is Wrong" Mind
The Two Responses to Thinking
The more I meditate, the more I realize how the thinking mind has become my biggest source of angst and suffering.
Eckhart Tolle once said,
“I have lived with several Zen masters – all of them cats.”
The more I let go of thinking in the moment, the happier I become. And the more catlike — playful and free— that I become.
When you have a thought, you have two choices. You can either:
Engage with the thought
Not engage with the thought
A famous Harvard study showed that almost 50% of our time is spent mind-wandering. Most of these thoughts are repetitive, and a large chunk of those are negative or judgmental in some way.
How much longer?
I wish I felt better.
It’s that person’s fault.
It’s not good enough.
If only I had done that sooner…
In other words, we spend most of our waking hours trying to do one thing, but finding ourselves lost in some other thought — usually about the past or future. This constant chasing of thoughts makes us unhappy because we can’t just enjoy what’s in front of us.
The Second Option
The other option is to not engage with the thought. By not engaging, you are free to let it pass. There is no worry about whether you should believe or not believe a thought, because you aren’t giving it any attention.
Let’s say a thought like this comes: “What should I do with my career? I should really figure it out soon.” And this leads to deeper questions. “What is the point of it all anyways, why am I working so hard? Maybe I should just give up.” A few moments later, “Argh..What is the meaning of life?”
These questions can seem deep and important. In some ways, they are. Finding work you love, balance in your life, and time in contemplation can be fruitful.
But these questions are also nonsensical, empty, and pointless. Why? Because they are just words!
Pondering the meaning of life is a question that is only asked by human beings, all thanks to our prefrontal cortex. Other animals, like cats, just get on with life.
Happiness - It’s Not What You Think
You probably spend a lot of time “figuring stuff out.” You think that you can think your way to happiness, to better relationships, to more freedom.
But feeling truly content has nothing to do with thinking, and everything to do with presence. It’s how present and engaged you are in the moment, without judging it.
When I look at my cute baby boy, it’s not just that he’s cute. It’s that I can be completely present with him and not think about anything else. When I am with him but distracted by my phone, I’m not happy.
Tara Brach, meditation teacher and author of Radical Acceptance, talks about a powerful question you can ask yourself:
What is in between me and feeling perfectly happy right now?
Go ahead and try this exercise and see for yourself. Close your eyes, take 20 deep breaths, focusing on prolonging your exhale. And just notice what kind of thoughts you have.
Any way you frame it, your thoughts can be likely categorized in one of the two buckets below.
The “Only If” mind, the something is missing mind. It says things like "Only if I had more money, a better job, my relationship was better, I could travel more, my leg wasn’t hurting, my job wasn’t so busy, my dog wasn’t sick, my relationship with parents was better, the neighbors weren’t so noisy…
“Something is wrong” mind. The negative bias. You are always assuming there is a problem and constantly trying to fix something. There is little room for the light of happiness. We often have a map in our minds that we are “on our way” and have to “overcome obstacles.” That blocks happiness. Like conquering a mountain…No, actually, you can just enjoy the journey.
And what does your mind feel like when it’s not trying to solve a problem? It feels totally fine, that’s how!
Let go of the words and the thinking…and you let go of the problem. And not only do you let go of the problem, but you let go of your ego…your self.
I Don’t Think, Therefore I Am Not
Descartes said, “I think, therefore I am.” He was exactly right, but not in more than one way. The never-ending stream of thoughts creates a sense of continuing ego and self.
The opposite is also true; “I don’t think, therefore I am not.” When the mind quiets down an amazing thing happens. The inner narrator ceases to exist – that voice inside your head.
It’s like the Cheshire cat disappearing in Alice in Wonderland, leaving nothing but a grin.
And then there is really nothing to fuel your worries.
How can you be worried when there is no storyline to continue the worry? When you rest in awareness without attaching yourself to any specific thought, belief or emotion, then you are free to fly. Your consciousness becomes untethered.
“Eventually you will see that the real cause of problem is not life itself. It's the commotion the mind makes about life that really causes the problems.”
― Michael Singer
This is exactly why, when you do not engage with your thoughts, it leads to happiness. Questions like “what is the meaning of life” is a question about the future. And thoughts like “I wish I would have studied harder or said x or y to this person…” are just thoughts about the past.
All of this can be dropped for the immediate experience in front of you. Oh my god, what should I do with my life? Well, the next action you can take is to go for a walk in the park, cook dinner, take a shower. The meaning of life is directly in front of you in the next moment.
I believe it’s possible to actually live your life with a smile on your face without pondering the question of the meaning of life or any of that. The key lies in letting go of thoughts, over and over again, until it becomes second nature – or even your default state.
Important Point - It’s Not About Stopping Thoughts!
How do you let go? Well, people find the idea of “letting go” challenging. The other way to say letting go is to let be. To accept. To allow. You don’t give more fuel to thought and allow it to come and go, like the clouds. Or, instead of damming the stream, just let the water flow.
In guiding over a hundred meditation sessions, I find that people try too hard to meditate. The biggest misconception is that you need to “stop” your thoughts. But it’s not by actively trying to stop them.
There is no active pushing, because pushing is engaging with thoughts! That is a form of resistance and control that is no different than what you always do. This can be tricky because there are so MANY thoughts, which is why it’s helpful to have an “anchor” to go back to, like your breath.
In practice, letting go works like this: You can watch or “hang out” with your breath as the focal point, and simultaneously you can allow thoughts, feelings and sounds to be in the background without actively “locking” your attention onto them. Add a smile to keep your mind uplifted.
Your mind will start to zoom in on a thought or sensation, and try to lock in on thoughts. Why? Because that’s what it’s used to doing. When that happens, you recognize it, relax your mind and body, and come back to the breath. That’s mindfulness for you in a nutshell.
Every time you do this, you have what Buddhist’s call a “mini nirvana” or a mundane form of nirvana, or awakening. Nirvana just means to put out (like a flame), to let go of the fire of constant craving and aversion to things in life. That moment you let go of thinking, come back to your breath, and relax is a moment you are freeing yourself.
Embedding Meditation into Daily Life
For a long time I separated my “normal life” from my meditation time. The deeper I go, the more I believe integrating this into daily life is key.
Of course, it’s super helpful to have a daily “formal” meditation practice and even go on a retreat to get a solid foundation.
But the truth is that unless you are secluded, the real practice becomes your life. It becomes work, people, and the daily activities you are involved in.
What I love is that you can meditate when you are doing anything. You don’t need to sit in a cave for a month.
In order for meditation to make a difference, you need to bring it to each moment until it becomes a natural way of living.
How are you resisting things around you?
Are you practicing compassion?
Do you let go easily in the moment, or wait for your “meditation time” to let go?
Here are three ways to bring mindfulness in your daily life – to stop engaging with thoughts in the moment.
At the core, it’s just about bringing a quality of mindfulness to daily activities.
Exercise: When you are running (or other forms of exercise) and your mind gets lost in a flurry of thought, bring it back to the sensation of your feet hitting the ground/treadmill. Feel the warmth of your body, your breathing, and notice the environment around you. This creates an embodied sense of presence.
Chores: When you are washing the dishes, instead of planning about the next thing you’re going to do, bring yourself back to the feeling of water and soap on your skin. Get in touch with the raw sensory experience of whatever activity you are doing.
Conversation: When you are having a conversation with a friend, can you notice when you get caught up in thinking what you are going to say next? Instead, give your mind something to do that is not thinking. Notice your breathing as you are also listening to your friend – this acts as a good replacement for the habitual thinking + listening.
These are just a few of the activities that I do frequently and where I bring my mindfulness practice. This daily integration is on top of my regular practice sitting in the morning and going on retreats.
But it wasn’t until I actively chose to bring mindfulness into daily life that it made a more meaningful difference in my life. I had meditated for many years before I made this integration, although there is no reason you have to wait that long.
When you bring daily mindfulness practice hundreds and thousands of times and your life will transform completely. Happiness will no longer be “over there,” but directly part of whatever you are doing.
I’d love to hear from you!
How do you bring mindfulness into your daily life?
What challenges do you have integrating mindfulness?
What works/doesn’t work for you?