It’s easy to dive into deep spiritual practices before having a grip on basic psychology. I liken this to my experience during the 2017 bitcoin boom where I traded daily without a firm grasp of basic finance, hardly saving any money.
In a similar vein, I dove headfirst into intensive meditation practices without first grounding myself in essential psychological principles. Although several silent retreats did illuminate some recurring mental patterns—and even revealed how little I truly understood myself—they also left me unprepared for the emotional work that lay beneath the surface.
So, is there a downside to embarking on a deep meditative journey before “sorting your stuff out” psychologically?
In my experience, yes.
I brought all my insecure and avoidant behaviors into meditation, often reinforcing rather than addressing them. Meditation allowed me to avoid confronting my real emotional wounds and traumas. Spiritual bypassing—using spirituality or meditation to escape rather than face reality—is a common risk.
Spiritual bypassing is an attempt to use one's spirituality, or meditation practice, not to come to terms but to escape, avoid or suppress reality.
Many meditation practices focus on a specific point, like the breath or a candle flame, and only briefly invite you to engage with arising difficult thoughts or emotions (and then back to the main “point” of meditation). This can lead to bypassing deeper issues. While there are practices specifically designed to work with emotions, such as compassion, Lojong, or forgiveness meditations, they are often considered secondary.
One meditation teacher observed that “80% of the questions I get in meditation sessions are really therapy questions.” Healing deep emotional wounds typically requires a direct, compassionate dialogue, not achievable alone.
Through a bunch of hardcore meditation, I often get waves of tingly bliss coursing through my body throughout the day. My sense of having an “I” has diminished, and on occasion drops completely.
This sounds cool. However, these experiences haven’t necessarily made me more patient or less reactive to old wounds; those improvements came through a combination of therapy, coaching, and community support. Meditation helped at times.
Looking back, long meditation retreats have been the most harmful for me. These retreats often led me to bypass and re-traumatized me, necessitating years of therapy to stabilize (read more on the darkside of meditation).
Now, all that said, meditation has become integral to my life. But I often reflect on when I’m truly meditating—am I being really open to the difficult things, or just trying to “find peace” because I don’t want to deal with something (like a difficult conversation)? I’m more honest about it.
For me, a “healthy spirituality kit” includes foundational skills such as understanding the nervous system, mastering emotional processing, addressing insecure attachments, practicing meditation mindfully, and developing a framework to question my own beliefs and assumptions. (I even created a free video course where I share some of these techniques)
Over the past year, I’ve learned to meditate without resorting to spiritual bypassing. I now recognize when I’m avoiding or clinging to certain feelings and instead bring gentle attention and curiosity to them—engaging in a dialogue with those parts of myself rather than trying to dissolve or analyze them away.
For instance, instead of passively noticing an inner critic and waiting for it to quiet down, I actively turn toward it, asking what it’s trying to tell me, how it feels, and what it fears might happen if it weren’t so critical.
This process involves confronting difficult emotions and beliefs with compassion and curiosity. It softens my body and mind, making meditation feel natural, calm, and safe. I use this check-in technique whenever resistance or strong emotions arise, even on the go. It also allows me to access deeper depths of consciousness, but without skipping the difficult stuff.
In summary, I’ve come to see that while meditation is a powerful tool, it isn’t a cure-all. It works best as part of a broader toolkit that includes therapy, community support, and deep personal reflection. This is why the Buddha introduced the Eightfold Path rather than simply teaching meditation—a nuance that has largely been lost in the modern mindfulness movement.
By blending meditation with psychological insights—and frameworks that informs not just our inner work but our overall approach to life—we can forge a more authentic and balanced path to self-awareness, one that minimizes the risks of bypassing our true inner work.
Ask These 3 Questions to See if You're Bypassing:
When uncomfortable feelings arise, do I find myself quickly rationalizing them away or over-simplifying the narrative (or over-examining them), rather than allowing those emotions to surface fully?
Could there be alternative paths that might tackle my issues more directly than meditation alone? Like engaging in therapy, seeking heartfelt conversations with trusted friends, finding a hobby, or exploring other introspective practices?
Am I clinging to the hope that 'awakening' or enlightenment is a magic cure for life’s burdens? How might this belief be keeping me from addressing the foundational issues that truly demand attention?
Thanks for reading! Would love to hear your comments below :)
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This was a fantastic post. You hit on so many points I have also discovered through my own experience (and don't see enough people talking about). Thanks for sharing this valuable perspective!