This week I’ll share more insights from freediving, along with a meditation technique that I’ve been using for a couple of years. The technique takes five minutes and can help you empty your mind before an important meeting, speech or conversation. Even if you don’t have any meditation experience, you can do it.
But first, a freediving story.
1.
The first time I got to a depth of ten meters, I immediately started to get a sense of fear and doubt. The thoughts raced through my head: What if my lung explodes? What if I pass out? What if I don’t know which way is up? I only had one breath, after all, and how was I supposed to know how long this breath would las? Before I could make it to fifteen meters, I let these thoughts get the best of me. I panicked. I turned around.
As I approached the surface, a funny thing happened. I realized I still had a ton of breath left. I probably could have held it for another minute. The second time around, the anxious thoughts came back. This time, I took note of how I actually felt. ‘Ah, in fact, my chest is a little tighter, but I still have a lot of breath left.’ This is how I inched my way deeper and deeper, gaining more confidence beneath the waves.
"I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened." - Mark Twain.
Later, there were times I would start a dive and get to only five or ten meters before turning around. Something would feel off. Maybe I didn’t take a deep enough breath, or I was just getting tired. I let my feelings and my body guide me, not any external goal or the fact that I was only a few meters down and “should be able to go deeper since I’ve done it before.” I patiently continued to test my limits without bulldozing my way through the process.
2.
In psychology 101, I had what’s called an adaptive response to my emotion of fear and anxiety during my dive. I put my negative thoughts (I can't do this! I’m gonna die!) into perspective and realized that they didn’t match up to reality (how my body felt). However, if I decided to give up at that moment and blame my instructor for not giving me clear enough instructions, and then got caught up in how dangerous the whole situation was without taking time to reflect on reality, this would be a maladaptive response. In other words, I’d be a total party pooper.1
It’s normal for anxious thoughts, fears and doubts to fill our minds. They are signals we should pay attention to, yes. Don’t ignore them. But, very critically, we must then investigate: is there really a threat here? Why or why not? Name the worry. Talk about it with someone. Verbalize that shit, don’t bottle it up, no matter how small or silly it seems. See if there’s any real substance to it. And by the way, if it’s a worry that you have often, it’s probably a sign that it’s more to do with your recurring thought-loops than it does with reality.
You’ve certainly had the experience of getting upset or angry and then coming to your senses later. However, nowadays we get a ton of stimulation and stress. I probably don’t need to remind you, but there’s lots of things that can push our buttons (or pull on our heart strings), like global pandemics, job instability, inflation, and pandas going extinct. This isn’t to mention our daily responsibilities. Because it’s never-ending, it can be easier to lean towards pessimism and ultimately put ourselves in a negative mindset.
3.
The act of naming what you are feeling and writing it down on a piece of paper is often enough to dissipate the worry. In turn, it gives you space to reframe and approach it more positively.
An exercise I often do before a meeting, especially when there’s a lot on my mind, is called the Gendlin method. It was developed by psychotherapist and philosopher Eugene Gendlin over half a decade ago. Gendlin found that a person’s progress and ability for positive change in therapy depended on their ability to feel, in their body, a sense of unresolved issues (tightness in the chest, pressure in head, pit the in the stomach etc). This feeling is nonverbal, and he named it the “felt-sense.”
“A felt sense is not a mental experience but a physical one. Physical. A bodily awareness of a situation or person or event. An internal aura that encompasses everything you feel and know about a given subject at a given time—encompasses it and communicates it to you all at once, rather than detail by detail.” – Eugene Gendlin
There’s a few adaptations of the Gendlin method, officially called “Focusing” or “clearing a space”. I’ve mapped out a simple version below that I personally use.
Here’s how you can do the technique, step-by-step.
The Gendlin Method/ Clearing a Space Exercise
Grab a pencil and piece of paper. Tear up the paper into 10 pieces.
Get in a comfortable position and close your eyes. Sit for a couple of minutes and take 10 deep breaths in and out through your nose. Lengthen your out-breath so it’s longer than your in-breath (this helps tell your nervous system to chill out). So, if your in-breath is 4 seconds then your out-breath could be 6 or 8 seconds long.
After you feel a bit more relaxed, silently ask yourself the question: “What is in between me and feeling perfectly alright in this moment?” Notice whatever pops into your head – anxious thoughts and worries about health, finances, work, relationships or even something less serious like whether you left the AC on this morning. It can be anything. Even if it’s not particularly negative, it can just be something that is on your mind (excited about tonight’s dinner!). Just whatever pops up.
See if you can locate where in your body you are feeling that. Just sit with it for a few seconds and you’ll often notice that, “Ah yes, this anxiety is something I can feel in my chest” or the sadness or happiness or frustration or whatever it is in my stomach, head, neck, or throat. There’s usually somewhere in your body where you can feel that more strongly. (If you can’t feel anything, don’t worry for now, just move on to the next step).
Now, open your eyes. Whatever popped into your head, write it down on the piece of paper. Put the paper a few inches away from you. This is a very important step. You are effectively noting, naming and putting that feeling/thought “away” from you. You are getting some space from it. (Examples: Worried that my boss is going to criticize me during my presentation, Unclear about what role I should apply for/do with my career, Missing my friends back in my hometown, Not sure I paid the electricity bill last month, etc…)
Close your eyes again. Ask yourself the same question again: “What is in between me and feeling perfectly okay in this moment?” Open your eyes, write it down, put it away from you. Repeat this process until you’ve written down everything pressing on your mind.
Once you’re done writing all you can, take another final moment to notice how you feel. Is there any lingering feeling that is still there? Perhaps one that you can’t name, that’s a bit vague? Some general sense of unease whose source is unknown? If so, locate that in our body and write it down on the paper. (Example: Some general feeling of tension/stress about the future, hint of sadness, some feeling of impatience, etc.)
Some days you’ll only have two or three things to write down.2 Other times there could be a list of twenty things that pop up. You’ll notice that after doing this, you’ll feel a lot more clear-headed. There will be some space between your thoughts, worries and yourself, even though they haven’t really gone anywhere (they arguably never existed in the first place, as they’re just in your head).
You can use this anytime you have a quiet space, five minutes and access to paper and pencil.3 This was helpful for me directly after I was dealing with burnout, but even afterwards I realized I could use this before any sort of meeting or potentially stressful conversation. For long and/or important zoom meetings, or back to backs, this was a life-saver. You could even do this at a cafe if your friend is running late just to get your mind clear and ready to give your undivided attention to the person in front of you.
Give it a try. Let me know how it goes and feel free to share in the comments section below!
Adaptive responses usually mean acceptance, reframing, refocusing, and putting things into perspective whereas maladaptive responses are self blame, blaming others, ruminating about the past and catastrophizing. You can read more about adaptive vs. maladaptive responses here.
Journaling is popular and effective, but I find that it lacks a certain element of really noticing your emotions. The Gendlin Method combines a bit of meditation and journaling which makes it a powerful technique.
There’s another variation of this technique where instead of writing it down, you can imagine yourself placing the thought, anxiety or worry on a desk in front of you. In other words, you’re just visualizing yourself putting it away from you. This can be equally powerful if you are good at visualizing or already have some meditation experience, otherwise I find that the act of writing it down on paper is easier for most people.