Why rushing is ruining your ability to help others
How to slow down, be nice, and why you shouldn't tell anyone about it
1/ Spooky eyes and the bystander effect
In most Tokyo train stations you see warning signs plastered alongside the escalator wall reminding you to be a decent human being. I saw a sign recently that depicted an old lady who’d fallen down the stairs, encouraging the passerby to stop and give her a helping hand. Another sign screams at you in big yellow letters, reminding you to stop rushing down the stairs and to stop texting and walking.
These posters often picture two sets of eyes gazing at you. And for good reason. Studies have shown that we’re more likely to take action when we feel like we’re being watched…or perhaps judged. This is called the “watching eyes effect” or “eye cue effect.” In fact, having a pair of eyes drawn on a billboard or wall is twice as effective as having a CCTV camera in preventing crime and antisocial behavior.
Crime is one thing, but when it comes to giving up our seat to a disabled person or helping out an old lady, why do we need these constant reminders? Well, the context is important. You seldom see these signs in sparsely populated towns in Japan. There’s a tendency called the “bystander effect” which has been well-researched. The more people that are present in an emergency situation, the less likely any one person will take action. When others are around we can think “nah, too much trouble. Someone else will help them.” In a crowded city like Tokyo, unless someone points to us and tells us to intervene, we’re less likely to take action on our own. Hence the signs.
Conversely, say that you’re in a secluded nature spot strolling by a lake when you see a child drowning. It doesn’t matter how expensive your Armani suit is, you’re gonna jump in! But you might still ignore a lady who'd fallen down the stairs in Tokyo.
This isn't a paradox, it's human nature. The Good Samaritan Study found that even when people have the best of intentions, being in a hurry (or other situational factors), prevent them from helping out.1 I believe that we’re all fundamentally good and compassionate people (although some of us more hurt and deluded than others), yet we’re also easily influenced by our environment.
But like everything, there’s a hack for that.
2/ The precursor to compassion
After I got back from my first meditation retreat in India years ago, my wife commented on how slowly I moved. "You're like a snail," she said. However, what if I wasn't moving too slowly, but rather everyone around me was moving too quickly? It's all a matter of perspective, I suppose. As I sauntered around the busy streets of Tokyo noticing the trees and the people and the smells, it suddenly occurred to me: Mindfulness leads to compassion.
It's pretty hard to be mindful when you slam through the ticket gate holding three iPhones and a mega-sized dark coffee. Now imagine slowly walking through the train station with plenty of time to spare. Your phone is in your pocket and everyone else is glued to their screens. An old lady trips and falls. Without distractions, I bet you that you'd help her. When you're really paying attention, it's hard not to be kind.
A little meditation each day can boost attention and empathy. Meditators show higher empathetic responses in their brain when they hear the sounds of people suffering. And it doesn't matter what race, gender or age you are. One study showed that just four days of mindfulness training was enough to increase altruistic behavior between strangers in need of help. In other words, mindfulness is an antidote to the bystander effect, and you're more likely to help the old lady.
Now, there are different meditation techniques that build this compassion muscle. The Tibetan technique of Tonglen instructs you to "breathe in the suffering of the world, and breathe out compassion." Or, even just focusing on the breath. But honestly, a special method isn't necessary. If you don't meditate, simply organizing your time so that you don't rush before work, or putting your phone in your backpack when you go out can reduce distractions and pull you into the present moment. This naturally leads to compassion.
So, if you don't want to be an asshole that overlooks the old lady who fell down the stairs, and you want to simultaneously tap into your true nature as a compassionate human being, then slow down. And when you do help the old lady, it's important that you never tell anyone about it...Say what?
3/ Why you shouldn't share your good deeds
You have a salad for lunch and then indulge in a burger and a beer for dinner. You donate to a green charity and take a long shower and long trip in a gas-guzzling SUV because you've earned it. You helped the old lady who fell down the stairs, but you're rude to a person who bumps into you because you've done your good deed for the day.
This happens all the time. It's called the moral licensing effect and it's the unfortunate tendency where people feel that their previous good behavior gives them a "license" to engage in less desirable behavior. There are tons of examples and they're shocking, sad, and funny all at the same time. Shocking and sad because we have serious problems that we don't know about, and funny because we're not as righteous as we believe.
A study by the University of Toronto found that people who bought green products were more likely to cheat and steal than those who bought conventional products. In another study, participants were asked to write about a time when they acted generously. They were less likely to donate money to a charity vs. participants who did not write about past generosity. "I was already nice once, so why do I need to be nice again? Fuggit" And yet other studies have shown that people leave energy-efficient lights on longer than conventional lights, and that many people who make their homes more energy efficient turn their heating up and ultimately see no reduction in energy costs.
A reason this happens is because we use past actions to establish our identity. But once we've established that "I'm a moral/good/not-racist person," then we feel less pressure to conform to those standards. This can get sticky very quickly. For example, if you've hit your diversity and inclusion quota at work, then you might be more likely to discriminate against a job seeker who comes in the next day. Damn...I wish evolution had set this up the opposite way. That when we did a moral deed, it would instead encourage us or pressure us to do more nice things. Unfortunately, that's not the case.
The good news is that simply being aware that this can occur — being mindful of it — is enough to reduce the chances of moral licensing. Knowing this, you can watch how you react in future situations and catch yourself if you're trying to justify bad or contradictory behavior. Another way to prevent this is to keep it to yourself. When we parade our good deeds on social media, this further solidifies our self-image and increases the moral licensing effect. In other words, sharing your good deeds with others may be counterproductive because you'll end up doing less-than-good-ones later.
In summary: Don't rush, be mindful, and help the old lady. And when you do, just don't tell anyone about it.
The Good Samaritan Study was a famous experiment conducted in 1973 that aimed to examine the factors that influence helping behavior in people. Participants in the study were seminary students who were asked to prepare a sermon on the parable of the Good Samaritan. On the day of the experiment, each participant was told that they were either early, on time, or late for their presentation, and they were asked to go to another building where the presentation would be held. On their way, the participants who were late all rushed to the other side of campus. Many of them ran, just like the salarymen during Tokyo's rush hour. Along the way, each participant encountered a homeless-looking person slumped over and coughing in distress. The experimenters had planted them there and wanted to see if the participants would stop to help the person in distress, and if so, how long it would take them to do so. As you can guess, those who were in a hurry didn't stop to help the person out. This is almost comical considering the students were giving a talk on being a Good Samaritan! This really means that it doesn't matter how "good" of a person you are, or how noble your intentions are. We are still influenced by our environment and susceptible to making decisions that are less than compassionate.