I’ve tried many techniques on my journey to deepening attachment security. It’s been a winding path. The truth is, it’s hard to name just one that’s “the best.” They tend to layer on top of each other, each offering something different. But the model below stands out to me because it’s thorough and overlaps with a lot of other approaches I trust.
Psychologists Dan Brown and David Elliott developed a three-pillar approach for cultivating secure attachment in adulthood:
Ideal Parent Imagery: Creating an inner felt sense of safety, protection, and love
Meta-cognition: Observing your thoughts and emotions with mindful awareness
Collaborative Relationships: Practicing intimacy, communication, and repair in real life
Dan Brown was also a longtime Tibetan meditator, so his work bridges ancient wisdom and modern psychology. At the core of this model is Ideal Parent Imagery, a practice that helps rewire the nervous system by imagining what perfect care would have felt like. It’s not always easy, but it’s been profoundly helpful for many people, myself included.
You don’t have to do it perfectly. You don’t even need to see vivid images. What matters is the felt sense, the emotional experience of being safe, loved, and understood. That alone can begin to shift old patterns. A few tips for this meditation below.
Common Sticking Points and Solutions
“It’s hard to imagine.”
Totally normal. Ask yourself: What would help me feel safe enough to imagine this? You can shift focus from imagery to sensation. Maybe it’s a feeling, not a picture. Maybe it starts as a word, a color, or a sense of warmth. Let it take the shape it wants. You can also focus on just one parent, or even imagine a kind presence, like a divine mother or father figure.“It feels dishonest or disloyal to my real parents.”
This practice isn’t about rejecting or fixing your parents. It’s about giving your system the care it needed. You’re not changing the past. You’re creating a new experience now.“I keep picturing my real parents instead.”
That happens. If it does, change the scene completely—go to nature, imagine a soft animal, or simply feel into your body. Ask: What would it feel like to be fully safe and supported right now? You don’t need to visualize anything clearly. Just feel.
A few more tips:
Stay in first-person perspective as much as you can. Feel it through the eyes of your inner child.
These ideal parents are not a correction or competition. They’re something entirely new.
If it’s hard, just listen to the words and let the practice unfold however it does.
You’re not trying to fix the past.
You’re offering your system the experience it always needed.
Lastly, a quick note on doing this work solo: Yes, Ideal Parent Imagery is an internal practice. You’re doing it “alone,” but you’re not healing in isolation. What makes it powerful is that you’re creating the felt experience of being seen, loved, and held, even if it’s in your imagination. The nervous system doesn’t need a real person in front of you. It just needs a real sense of safety. That said, this kind of practice works best when paired with safe, supportive relationships in the real world. It’s not a replacement for connection.
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